If you were asked whether the priority for your career was to have 500+ LinkedIn connections or a smaller number of strong interpersonal relationships in the office, what would you think?
LinkedIn, right? LinkedIn is not only the Facebook of careers (where have they gone, how successful are they, don't they have interesting things to say), it is also the place to find a new job, valuable thought pieces and to build your personal brand.
Sounds good right. Passport to the big time. So why would you think about prioritising friends at work? That sounds a bit touchy-feely and you don't work in a kindergarten!
Put your cynicism to one side for a moment and let's look at the research.
Since the early 2000s, psychologists have increasingly focused their research away from what is broken in people, towards what is right with people; what enables people to flourish; and makes life worth living. Despite the semantic generalisation of the word 'happy', there is now a bank of data that shows that happier people are healthier, less absent, more creative and more productive in the workplace.
So if happiness or subjective well-being (SWB) at work is the key to success, how can we drive it up? In this aim, Sonja Lyubomirsky devised a set of 12 activities to increase people's SWB and number 5 on her list is Nurturing Social Relationships.
Barbara Frederickson's broaden and build theory argues that increasing positive emotions to a ratio of at least 3:1 with negative emotions, broadens our literal and metaphorical mindset which then leads to us building intellectual, physical and social resources for the future. Number 2 in Barbara's toolkit? Connecting with others.
She cites Jane Dutton's recommended the following ways to build high quality connections:
- Be present, attentive and affirming by fully focusing on others & encouraging their endeavours.
- Show support for what the other person is doing – do what you can to help them succeed.
- Demonstrate trust – believe that the person can meet your expectations (and let it show).
- Allow time for ‘play’ – spend time with this person occasionally with no outcomes in mind.
This is a tiny glimpse of the research that supports the value of social connectedness in driving up happiness and future success. But let's bring our thinking out of the lab and back to the real world.
If we don't click with people in the office on an interpersonal level our behaviour tends to be very siloed. We don't raise our head. We don't seek input from others. We probably want to leave pretty sharpish to get back to our "real friends". Low sense of belonging reduces energy, drive and intrinsic motivation. At the extreme, lack of connectedness can lead to self-destructive behaviours that express the resentment you feel at being an outsider.
On the flip side, working with peers that you care about, you respect and who have got your back leads to more creativity, more measured risk taking, greater diversity of ideas, higher intrinsic motivation and more extraneous effort.
Personally, I want to go to work with people who's company I enjoy. I want to look forward to Monday morning. I want banter in the office and piss-taking that is based on knowing, understanding and appreciating each other. I know that being connected with my colleagues feels amazing and drives me to do my best not for me, but for us.
So if you think that digital connections mean more than deep interpersonal connections, think again
Couldn't agree more Debbie! We spend so much time at work, it's really important that the time is socially and emotionally fulfilling.
ReplyDeleteAt the moment I'm also starting to understand the importance of "disconnection" time at work as well. Working in a client site in a role that involves a huge amount of stakeholder management, as well as maintaining my old colleague relationships back at the office, means that I sometimes feel like I'm trying to keep too many plates spinning. Add a constant stream of IM chat (some important, some not), and a busy home-life (two small kids who need oodles of attention!) and my classic introvert personality starts to feel overloaded. I need time and space away from connection in order to be my most creative, and to maintain my energy levels.
So I'm starting to think a little harder about how I build deep and strong connections at work, rather than just increasing numbers. And I'm also thinking about how I create head-space in an always-on environment.
Hi Jo,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. I hear your challenge!
Part of the 21st century dilemma is this "always-on" lifestyle that we create for ourselves. I'm really interested in how we manage that better. I think clear priorities and boundaries are a must. Accepting that we simply can't be everywhere and respond to everything, but prioritising the interactions that matter most for us and others. Mindfulness is also an increasing interest of mine. Accepting without judgement is a lovely leap away from guilt, stress and loathing!
I agree with your aspiration for deeper connections rather than more connections. I think that is key.